Location: Sands Casino East, Atlantic City, NJ

Rough day. First Joey, then this. Not that it was a surprise. I knew about The Sands East going down. Hell, Momo and I agreed that it needed to go if we were gonna' build another one in Vegas. I'm even pushin' the button for the detonation. Figured I built the place, why not be the guy who knocks it down, right? That's not to say there isn't a little nostalgia that goes with bringing the joint down. My last shows before I walked were there in the Copa Room.

I was gonna' pick up Sammy, but I couldn't get him on the phone. Apparently, he's gone into mourning over Joe. I left word that he needs to buck up, we don't know if Joey's gone for real or not, and there's no need to start bawling like a girl over it until we know. I didn't even try Dino, he never answers his phone. However, the "Telethon Jew" has been lightin' up my voice mail like a Christmas tree. I need to get that friggin' iPhone up and runnin'

Location: The Greek Isles, Las Vegas, NV

I flew into Vegas a few hours ago to cancel the surprise performance dates we had at The Greek Ilses. I'm trying to book some talent to cover the dates I booked a couple of weeks ago. As of now, the reunion's off, kaput, Ends-ville. It's a pisser of a mess.

So I got quite a few emails regarding the fracas we had last night at the Twin Palms. I guess no more harm can be done in spillin' the details now. Here's how it went down:

I set up a meeting for last night. It was gonna' be Me, Dag, Smokey and The Bishop. No Lawford (which shouldn't surprise anyone in the know). I told everyone to be at the Twin Palms early, around 11:00 PM to discuss a new project and to keep it on the hush-hush.

All the boys were up for it, even Dino, which surprised me a little. We'd had a short falling out during our last go at a reunion (a story for another time).

So I had my secretary Gloria stock up the bar, get a photographer, and hire the catering. Chester was on hold in case we decided 'entertainment' was required. Jilly arranged security. Jack Entratter, who's silently backing The Greek, was gonna' phone conference in around midnight. We were set for a summit baby.

Sammy show's an hour and a half early. It's predictable. The guy's all juice... enough energy and excitement to make a puppy dog look boring. What can I say? Smokey's my kid brother.

Joey shows at 11. On - the - dot. That's Joe. Perfect timing in everything. The three of us start pouring drinks while we wait on Dean. Sammy's all over me about the details of the plan, "Is it a movie, Leader? An album? Come on Francis, spill it baby. What's the score?", but I wouldn't budge. I told him we gotta' wait for the Dago before I start handing out the details.

It gets to be about 11:30 and Sammy is on his third round of interrogation when Dean shows, more like he 'appears'. I'm telling ya', that's one quiet club singer. We didn't even notice him until he said, "So what's a guy gotta' do to get a drink around here Pally?"

"Dago!", I said, giving him a big hug. "On time as usual, ya' prick. You wanna' J&B?".

"No, but a B&J sure do sound good about now", he said laughing.

"We don't serve your kind here, buddy. You're lookin' for Boys Town" I joked. "Hey, you'll never guess who's been emailing me to death."

Dag waved his hand over his shoulder as got himself a drink. He didn't want to hear it. We all get settled and I start to give 'em the lay of the land. I started right in, "Except for Joey here, we all checked out of the life a long time ago. I don't know about you, but I got bored."

Joey chimes in, "You think YOU got bored... Frank, please, with all due respect, walk a mile in my shoes, will ya'?"

Dino, not missing a beat, "Now, now, Joey, you know Frank don't wear no cement shoes."

We all break out laughing at the old joke and Joey kicks right back, "No, but I hear he's had a few pairs made."

After the laughter dies down, I continue, "That's what I want to talk about boys. Look at the chemistry we got in the room and we haven't performed together in almost 20 years."

Dino looks at his empty glass and says, speaking of chemistry, I'm in need of a refill." He gets up to get a new drink and says, "don't let me stop ya' Frank, I can listen and pour at the same time."

I go on with the plan, "I wanna' do a whole new stage act. A whole new Rat Pack. New routines, new jokes, new songs, the works. I want to do it at The Greek Isle."

Sammy, surprised, "Excuse me Frank, the what?"

Dino, settling back in with his drink, "I bet I can get all the B&J I want there."

Joey, sounding a little concerned, "Frank, why not a premier joint? The Greek ain't Caesar's you know."

"I know that Joey,", I reply, "I don't even want to advertise it at all. It'd be too easy to just publicize it all and pack the crowds in. Too easy to walk into Caesar's like conquering heros, but the fact is, we wouldn't be conquering heros, we'd just be like every other act in Vegas, trading on our past. I wanna' go at this with some integrity. I want our act to succeed on word of mouth. This time, I want to work without a net."

"Yeah, that Annette, she sure no fun on da' stage... but backstage..." Dag jokes while lighting a smoke.

"So what do ya' say Dean." I ask laughing. "You in?"

"Yeah, sure Pally. It ain't like I got a whole lot goin' on right now, being 'dead' and all."

I turn to Joey, "What about you Joey, you up to it?"

Joey scratches his chin in mock thought, "Let's see, let's see... obscurity or Vegas, obscurity or Vegas. Um, can I buy a vowel?"

I laugh, "Good-O. Sammy?"

"Give me the word Boss, I'll be there."

I sit back in my chair and say, "Good, well the first date is this Sunday, if we want it. I say we go on raw, just hit the stage and roll on the first show. We can build the act from there."

Sammy, looking concerned, I swear he almost raised his hand to speak, "Ah Frank, we may have one little problem, but I think I got the solution. In fact, I think I got a brilliant solution."

"Shoot it, Smokey." I say. Its a benevolent dictatorship I've got going here after all.

Sam's obviously excited, leaning forward in his chair, "OK, ok, here's what I'm thinking. When we first got together as an act, we were a 5 man act and we were rehearsed. The second time around, we were a 3 man act and we were rehearsed, but Dino couldn't go the distance..."

"Watch it, boy," Dino said, looking up from his drink and only half kidding.

Sam, undeterred continued, "no offense my man, but ya' left, whatever your reason, that's in the past, here's what I've got..."

Dean got up to get another drink while Sam went on, "we work best as a 5 man outfit that's rehearsed. Frank has already put the order down that we ain't rehearsing at first, no PR and we're a foursome."

I start feeling a little tension in the room as Sam spins his idea, "whatcha' drivin' at Sam?"

Sensing my impatience, Sam says, "I think we should bring in a 5th guy."

"If you're thinking about that pervert Laford pal, you've..."

"No, no, no, Frank. Not Peter."

Even Dean's getting impatient at this point, "For God sakes Sam, the show starts in 48 hours. Who?"

Sam answers, "Actually, you know him Dean. You've even worked with him already... Jerry."

At this point, Dean ain't looking like the lovable guy you all know from the TV. Leaving his drink behind at the bar, he walks up to where Sammy is sitting, gets right in his face and says, "I didn't hear you back there Sam. For a minute I thought you said Jerry. Tell me you said, 'Larry'."

Sam, ever the salesman, stands up, puts his hand on Dean's shoulder and starts to sell his Jerry idea, "Dean, listen to me baby. This is a dynamite move."

Dean shrugs off Sammy's hand from his shoulder and says in a near whisper, "you outta' your fuckin' mind?"

"Look, Dean, babe, you're great when you've got someone working with you. You're the world's greatest straight man, but let's face it baby, a straight man ain't funny without..."

"Without what," Dean said, flat and monotone, then again, louder, "Without what?"

"Without a funny man, Dean. Look, you're among friends here baby. Everyone knows you're not as funny without Jerry. It's no big thing, it's just the way God almighty laid it out. You need Jerry to play off of and he'd be a great replacement for Peter." Then Sam turns to me and says, "whaddya' think Frank?"







Sammy barely got the 'k' of my name out, when Dean did the unthinkable. He right hooked Sammy, square on the jaw. Sam went down like a $20 hooker. He was out cold. Dean had blind-sided him good, taking advantage of Sammy's glass glimmer.







Dean walked out of the room, grabbing his glass off the bar. Joey and I, still in shock, checked on the Candyman. He'd be ok, but it was going to be a hell of a lump for a while. The photographer just stood there with his jaw draped over his shoes. I snapped him back to life and told him to go get some ice for Sammy. I caught up with Dean in the living room.

"What the fuck was that about you stupid fuckin' Dago?" I yelled at him.

"I gotta' explain it to you Frank? Of all people? You didn't hear what the president of your fan club said in there?" Dean said, still steaming.

"So you go hit the guy? On his blind side? Over that? What the hell's the matter with you?"

Dean looks at me, straight on and says, "I'll tell you what Frank. I got an idea for a 'sponsor' for our little reunion. His name's Howard Hughes. I'm sure Ava told you all about him a couple of times."

My blood went from room temperature to south of the border instantly. I was so fucking pissed, I was speechless.

Having made what he thought was his point Dean opened the front door, then turned to me and said, "you just think about it Dago and get back to me." Then he walked out, slamming the door.

I stood there, clenching my fists at my sides for what must have been a half hour. Just stood there, staring at the door, seething.

Then the phone rang and brought me out of my coma.

"Talk"

"Hey Frank, its Jack Entratter. Sorry I'm late calling in. Hope I didn't miss anything."

"You at The Greek now?" I asked.

"Yeah, why?"



"Stay there. I'm flying out. I'll be there in 3 hours." I hung up the phone and Jilly and I were off to the airport.



3 hours later, I met Jack at the casino bar and gave him the story.

"Dean?" he kept asking. He was as amazed as I was.

"Yeah, go figure. I don't know Jack. Maybe 60 years of Jerry being hooked to his name finally broke the dam."

"Dean? I can't believe it."

"I know, but what are ya' gonna' do?"

"Well, I'll tell ya Frank, we got a bit of a problem now. The 'quiet owners' of this joint were counting on this show of yours. There's a lot of money that was gonna' go their way. They're gonna' be pissed. We gotta' make this right."

"I know, I know. Don't remind me. Look they gotta' understand what happened here was beyond anyone's control."

"Frank, we're not talking about telling the teacher about the dog eating the homework here..."

"I know what we're talking about Jack. I get it, ok?

"We gotta' do something. You gotta' talk to Dean."

I'm getting really irritated now, "You wanna' try and get him on a phone? I'll give you a million cash right now if you can get him on the line." I reached over and the bar and grabbed the house phone and put it in front of him. "Jack, he ain't gonna' talk to nobody right now. Trust me."

So there we sat. Two guys who were totally fucked, staring out at the bar and looking at a permanent check out from life, just when we both were getting our hooks back into it.

After a few minutes, Jack said, "OK. Here's what we're gonna' do. You find a replacement act for this weekend, promote it on that website of yours, tell everyone you know, endorse the hell out of it and get asses in seats. Then you gotta' make this shit right between you, Dean and Sammy. I don't care how it's done, just do it."

"So what are you gonna' do in the mean time Jack, bang cocktail waitresses? Come on, you wanna' help out a little here?"

"Hey Frank, I'm gonna' go see the boys and explain things to buy you time. You wanna' trade jobs with me?"

"I get your drift pally. Fair deal. How long I got?"

"At best? 2 weeks, but I'd get it done as fast as you can. You know these guys."

"That I do, Charlie" I said with a sigh as I got up, "that I do."

Who'd a thought when you come back, you come back all the way, huh?

Location: Twin Palms, Palm Springs, CA

While Jilly’s at work in the lab, I pad over to my office to fire up the laptop. Holy Mother of Christ! 147 of them email things! 147 of them! I was touched at first, but then I started sifting through them. There’s some real loons out there.

But the ones that really gave me the laugin’ gas were the emails I got from people claiming to be people in my life. Here’s a rundown of some of the more popular ones:

Sammy D - 9 different people

Dino - 17 different people

Lawford (please!) - 6 different people

Skinny - 3 different people

Mia - 3 different people

Ava (I gotta’ real problem with this one) - 5 different people

Jerry Lewis - 12 different people

Ok, so the 12 from Lewis could be real. He can be a real pain in the ass like that, which is why for years, he never had my real number. He’d call all the time to either suck up or figure out if Dino was around. That guy was like a broad when it came to Dino. It bugged the shit out of Dag, so I quit telling him about it. Then it started bugging the shit out of me too. That’s how I ended up buying out a block of numbers that I never used. They were listed in my name, but there wasn’t a phone on the other end.